it is difficult to loose one's friends and loved ones , we know this.
and we know there is dysfunction tied into the loss..
disorientation is a close friend of dysfunction (actually, they are siblings) and between the two,
if they are allowed to scheme, they can really reek havoc with one's "normal" state of mind.

i am finding out, as i get older, that the rational side of my being is more willing to attempt justifications for lost lives.
it (the rational side) tries to look at the big , messy picture and come up with some form of
numbing acceptance for the loss... get on with it, remember the good times and feelings ...
that should make it easier to deal with, right???
of course...

NOT !

what goes on, as the rational struggles NOT to take a back seat to this, is the emotional ,
human side of me that asks "what was the purpose of the loss?"
what did this person (or group) ever do that was so rotten as to deserve the kind of ending they were dealt?"

this was a good person, a truly beautiful human being, a loving child, my friend....

and you know what??
i can never find a convincing justification.
chalk up another senseless death.
whether it was a whimper and a sigh, a blaze of glory or an "inexplicable event" that takes the lives of
those we care about , ...even if it is the insane quest for "peace" (we call it going to war...how odd)
there still is no comfort in any justification that is concocted.

so maybe the event that took the life was not supposed to ..
like we think we are in control of what happens...
we try to be.
we develop our motor skills and our thought processes to allow us to do extraordinary things !
we can create technology, fool mother nature for a while, build awe inspiring mechanical goodies that
we pilot here and there, on the ground, in the air, under water and even in the vacuum of space...
and we do, for the most part, have the ability to control them rather well....
until either the technology fails or we just plain goof.

it's the "o-no second" when the harsh reality of imminent disaster flashes and we might think
"could i / should i have done something different?" where reality creeps in and it becomes obvious
that we are but custodians of
our own little space-time capsules ....and the casing is cracking.

loss stinks.
senseless loss stinks more.

i find myself becoming more and more numb as these events happen in my life..
it is not good, to be sure, but it is a fact..

i think Janis Joplin had it confused .....
take a little piece of my heart.... you know you got it if it makes me feel empty when you are gone.

fin